This time I made it to the opening ceremonies bash thing-aroo. MP Johnson provided an immediate in to the proceedings, and Bradley Sands proved a reliable way to spark enthusiasm and conversation. Bradley Sands might be a rich man if he could charge people for this sort of name usage. I also boasted about my fitness efforts, which included me demonstrating advanced hula-hooping techniques without the hoop, of course.
My first workshop was Jeff Burk's How To Write High-Concept Bizarro. I forewarned Burk at the shindig the night before that I knew my homework was crap. He assured me that that's okay since we're there to learn.
Indeed, my crap was universally passed on and even condemned by one, Garret Cook. I still felt bad having to endure the actual barrage, but at least I wasn't disillusioned. It takes me more time to take a leap than it took me to conjure my homework for the workshop.
Conversely, I liked Garret Cook's homework, it was one of my favorites, and on the sillier side. Sadly, MP Johnson, one of my more gracious critics, was passed on by me. Lastly, I commend Jeff Burk for recognizing and commending my attempt at some serious thought provocation with my homework. Yes, I was extremely lazy (actually just in a creative void) but I still throw out civil minded provocation when I can.
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| Carlton Mellick III will fuck you up every time. |
My next workshop was John Skipp's Chunk-Style Plotting: Pulling Complex Stories Out of Your Ass, The Quick & E-Z Way! This was a grueling workshop because it was over an hour of solid creation while your partner made note cards of every beat, then they created and you made the note cards. I was surprised at how much Skipp was able to un-constipate me for that session. I developed a strong bond with Richard Wolley from this. Sadly, I had to bail on Wolley when I remembered that I'd forgotten to check out of my single and check in to the hostel. Fortunately, they did not charge me a fee (as I was late). Wolley exhibited profound grace and understanding at this.
I encountered MP Johnson again and G. Arthur Brown and I shared my newfound literary sobriety, fully aware that I was not as wondrous as I thought I was the year before (when it comes to fiction). I told them that, at least, I can now recognize what's bad, they confirmed the importance of that but emphasized that the real trick is recognizing the good (and, implicitly, being able to create it). These who's who of BizarroCon were enduring struggles of their own. I also asked Brown about his magazine The Strange Edge, which I believe was the beginning of the confessions of struggle.
Danger Slater's eye gag and the presence of Lisa LeStrange is just one of the few things that can go down at BizarroCon. I was honored that he approached me for a selfie as part of his apparent mission to get a selfie with everybody. I don't know if he succeeded but I was actually one of the earlier approaches that he made.
At a later point I also shared with MP Johnson my glorious visions of being a short story producer who would hire him and others of the bizarro revolution to write. Low effort upfront, hopefully high dividends in the future, both by association as well as potentially financial. Whatever, right?
Texas Ranger Danger Slater: What do you think? Have the right to remain silent, you say? Yeah, I get it.
I eventually found my way to the reading of William Perkins by William Perkins, which proved an oddly perky affair (I'm sure he gets it all the time but I'm hedging a bet that he doesn't care that much). The Eraserhead Press party was made by the likes of Perkins, MP Johnson, Wolley, and, of course, the various readings. Read more here. And here.
Here was my initiation into the imaginings of Kyle Muntz with assistance from the inimitable Kevin Donihe and J. David Osborne. This kind of amped up laughter is what BizarroCon is all about, and no one earns higher decibels than the Mellick who's nobody's relic (not working? I get it). Sadly, I have no video of Mellick's performance. Now onto Muntz.
I was looking forward to brunch with much eagerness as I always do. This year I awoke early and headed down to the main office to have coffee. I decided to check out the tourist magazines provided by the hotel, which actually gave me some good feelings and vibes. At one point Andy de Fonseca strutted past in her Edgefield robe with her adorable dog, really they're both adorable. Then Richard Wolley came down and we talked about many things, culminating in the topic of slavery and being unable to know our choices if we lived in another time. I also learned of his commitment to the vitality of his skin. A Canadian also joined us at one point.
"and no one earns higher decibels than [...] Mellick"
Another interesting fact: Saturday brunch was held in the ballroom due to the especially large group of attendees. Anyhow, we all went up to brunch and I steered us towards the table with MP Johnson, confident in good cheer ensuing. Indeed, our table may have been one of the funnest, sweetest, most righteous groupings possible. I actually earned some of the hardest laughs of the morning (something about "butt surfing").
At BizarroCon 2014 I won stuff at the Bizarro raffle, most of it I didn't like except the red wine and local vodka. This time around I won nothing. However, most of my table won something.
Then it was off to the book nook, which I missed the prior year. Books were bought, have no worries.
I went to all the panels held on Saturday, unlike last year in which I missed them all for Portland exploration (being my first time). However, I made the Sunday panels last year, which I skipped this year.
Building Your Brand: I didn’t come away with the same quotable pearls of wisdom that I did last year but I came away with some good impressions. Carlton Mellick III advised that writers should think of themselves more as drug dealers (specifically in reference to meth maestro Walter White of Breaking Bad) and their product should be unique, high quality, and something else (addictive?...consistent?...????). I wish I could remember the third. If only most people had the recipe to churn out the literary blue stuff.
Sauda Namir spoke about compartmentalization in branding between family life and not so family friendly involvements. Sauda specifically advised the painstaking creation and use of Facebook groups, which allow you to filter who does and doesn’t see certain posts. Jeff Burk seemed up for some brawling the whole time and Osborne reminded me of Luke Skywalker for some asinine and esoteric reason.
Creating Atmosphere In Weird Fiction: Laura Lee Bahr spoke at length about the importance of Los Angeles (regarding identity and lack thereof) to her award winning work. Specifically, she asserted that the Los Angeles identity is uniquely imposed on it by everyone who visits it. I tend to agree because my Los Angeles experience is definitely different than that of some others, and my Los Angeles perception changes as I change. Speaking of Laura, check out some images from her Eraserhead Press Party reading below.
Garret Cook brought down the axe on the first season of True Detective for not following through on the nihilistic tone, which he ultimately condemned as mere posturing in the end. I, for one, was seduced by the posturing. Granted, I agree with Tarantino’s assessment in that much of it was boring, I guess I just enjoy being bored by Mathew McConaughey and slick camerawork. I think all of this True Detective talk came out of the complaints that mood is too often insincere or arbitrary or otherwise unnecessarily presented. Cook was emphasizing the importance of psychology and emotion to mood since that is, after all, what it really is (not thunder and lightning and barking dogs). When creating atmosphere the emotions should come first, not surroundings.
Writerly Advice: John Skipp inspired me with his relations of failure year after year, assuring me that I’m still young and need not throw in the towel. Eventually Skipp became the thing for others that he was looking for himself. Much of the panel focused on walking the line between artistic integrity (refusing to make changes) and accommodation for an editor (possibly “selling out”). Danger Slater did heed Skipp’s advice and they all agree that it was the right advice. In that kind of scenario, where the publisher truly has the best intentions for the writer and believes in the work, they advocated for creative flexibility. On the other hand, if they want a complete overhaul then they advocate self-discipline and integrity.
The Art of Bizarre Sex: This was the one I was looking forward to the most because I’m a guy who didn’t know how sacred sex of the page really is. Stephen Graham Jones’ observation about some writers being “masturbators” (writing for their own selfish enjoyment) hit close to home. Furthermore, the main thesis of the panel was that sex is on the page as it is in life, it is something that involves a great deal of vulnerability and sensitivity. As such, they insisted that literary sex must be earned through strong character development. Just as you have to gradually interest the average person to have sex through emotional connections brought about by many shared non-sexual experiences, so it is with literary sex, it is an author’s duty to seduce the reader through various non-sexual characteristics and actions before plunging them into the R-rated/NC-17 juicy stuff.
They also talked about the larger idea of what it is to write for public consumption and to read. Generally, authors don’t write for stadiums, they write for individuals. This individual is taking a chance on the author; they may have time, money, mood, and other things at stake. Writing and reading are inherently acts of intimacy between people. As such, thrusting your reader into sexual situations without an emotional foundation will sometimes offend or disgust them, or leave them indifferent.
Robert Devereaux seems like he has a license to throw readers into sex cages* despite everything stated above, but even he shared that his material comes from deceptively sincere places of his soul. I think I finally grew up, on some level, after witnessing this panel discussion. I always thought the page was a harmless place for me to throw down my pent up sexual fantasies, apparently, the page needs almost as much commitment and vulnerability as the real thing.
*I’m sure someone will assure me (if only in their heads) that Devereaux does indeed have a license to do just that.
Mandy de Sandra came out of nowhere. BizarroCon was my introduction to this purveyor of provocation. DeSandra, however, is just as often the recipient of provocation. (S)he had the most enduring stamp on me, much of what I summarized above came straight from the lips of DeSandra. Speaking of DeSandra, Christopher Paul sure came along way in many enviable ways since last year. Hopefully I will find my feet as he did one day, but first I think I need to walk on my hands (personal fitness reference).
Hey, read more about Mandy DeSandra here. What fortuitous timing!
We were locked out of the Word Horde reading. Apparently, Ross Lockhart actually puts things into lockdown mode in the real world (not just in my silly, think I’m so cleverly cool imagination). At this point I found myself admiring the steady fall of light-to-medium rain. I found myself wandering the property as I love rain walking and generally like to keep moving, unless watching movies/TV or eating.
I was surprised by what I missed the first year, especially the fact that they have a pretty impressive golf course on their property (something I was actually tipped off by when overhearing another guest talking with the desk staff). They were closing sections off but I slipped by and had a nice extended stroll/hike around and across this course. This was one of those experiences that transcended and escaped my urge to comprehensively photograph places.
Then I got back and still had more than an hour to kill before the big event of the whole convention: The Wonderland Awards/Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. In the darkened room I felt kind of blue while I waited, part of it because of dwindling finances, part of it because of under-stimulation. I made bookings for and planned parts of my Eugene side trip at that point, and I also looked up J. David Osborne and Mandy DeSandra, and some others I was preciously ignorant of prior to the day.
When I entered the ballroom again my brain was an aquarium for feelings of contentment and discontentment alike. I was contented to be there but discontented that I was still an undistinguished presence. I enjoyed the buffet, which once again had a distinctly Latin character. I resisted the temptation to rejoin MP Johnson as I already crashed his table in the morning and was one of his honored companions (by his doing) the first time around. I thought I owed it to myself to broaden my circle and let others experience his company.
Ultimately, I wasn’t too successful at broadening my circle, but I gained more attention from Cameron Pierce, and I was reunited with Jim Agpalza who was one of the finer ambassadors of BizarroCon my first time around.
My main man, MP Johnson, won his category of which I couldn’t be more pleased. Violet LeVoit, whose workshop I took last year, won her category and her presence was related by John Skipp via phone communications.
As far as the showdown went I was more impressed with 2014, however, Danger Slater kicked some serious ass. G. Arthur Brown also blew my mind with an underrated piece of stand-up comedy oozing hard-boiled machismo and a preoccupation for a myriad of insect legs. Andy De Fonseca had me questioning the big questions about God and whether or not I should be turning to God with explicit requests (something I generally see as being shameless). I was also impressed that they had each table photographed, which helped me fill in certain names for this post. Fonseca was a fine photographer for the evening.
At the Wonderland Book Awards After-Party I found myself dragging Jim Agpalza into a world of confusion and off-center vibes with my speechifying and general sense of moral and creative isolationism and vagaries. Non-sequiturs are my bread and butter, which all too often leaves me without patronage. And then there was Perkins who was the party for yours truly.
I called it a night relatively early as I had a big day ahead.
The next morning I eagerly stepped into the brunch quarters. This time I had an agenda: the acquisition of MP Johnson’s signatures on two of my books, one being my copy of the big winner. He fulfilled this request with tremendous grace. This was not a funny brunch as Saturday had been, rather a solemn mood set over the scene as indeed the infamy of Sunday afternoon was looming large in all our minds, hence, returning begrudgingly to our day-to-day lives (even if those lives that are awesome, as even awesome lives are more awesome still at the con).
Boy oh boy, did I love eating me up some breakfast buffet once again. Breakfast/brunch is probably my favorite kind of buffet. After I acquired my signatures and had my fill I said my early goodbyes to key folks, particularly Johnson, as I had to head to Eugene.* I also finally worked up the nerve to inquire about Gabino’s lack of ponytail and how I missed those luscious locks (but not in those words). Apparently, as he put it: The shit wasn’t working out. As soon as he cut it he found himself employed, which affirms my suspicions about ponytail discrimination (and very possibly envy). Ponytail rights is a serious issue that requires serious organization and serious individuals who must demand and only accept serious changes (namely the right not to change your hair). I digress.
Yo may read about my Eugene travels here.
More Eugene travels here.
You may read about my Portland activities leading up to this year's BizarroCon here.
Sadly, when I boarded the bus I still didn’t have a ponytail, but I had all my possessions and the necessary fare.
For your listening and viewing pleasure I have a few short excerpts of Andrew Goldfarb's psychedelic renderings, which I obviously enjoyed enough to record parts of. I believe this is all consistent with fair use, and hope I get no complaints for sharing this.
